Stop Judging Me

HOSPITAL | PERTH, AUSTRALIA

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”

Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”

Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”

Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”

Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”

Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”

Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”

Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”

Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”

Me: “Uh.”

Patient: “Stop judging me!”

From the reliably amusing (and terrifying) Not Always Right.

Thirty Days of Song (day 25)

Song that makes me laugh.

“Determined, but moist…”

Thirty Days of Song (day 24)

Song for my funeral:

Not just suitably elegaic, but expresses clearly the one thing I’m certain I’ll feel when I die – that I should have paid more attention to the person I love (whoever that may be!)

(I see that video currently has been seen a mere 51 times, I want to see that number increase exponentially)

Thirty Days of Song (day 23)

A song to play at my wedding:

I think I mentioned that I wanted this song played at my wedding in another post so better be consistent. It’s perhaps not the jauntiest of tunes, but the lyrics are very sweet and direct, and if there’s any day you don’t want subtlety or irony it’s your wedding day.

“Why would I stop loving you, a hundred years from now? It’s only time.”

Not convinced I’ll be playing that video though.

Alternatively, there’s Al Green’s fabulous Let’s Get Married, but I’m not sure I want the phrase ‘I’m tired of playing around, a girl in every town’ being played. Or ‘might as well’ for that matter.

Should Elected Representatives Say What They Think?

A Cardiff Councillor, John Dixon, has recently been the subject of a mini scandal about a comment he made on twitter about the Church of Scientology, when walking past their office in London that he hoped “the stupid wouldn’t rub off”. Some time later, the Scientologists complained to the ombudsman in charge of standards in public office in Wales, who ruled that Dixon had broken the relevant code of conduct. For a full overview of the idiocy of the ombudsman’s ruling and the dangerous and pernicious nature of Scientology, I recommend the thorough analysis by Jack of Kent. The issues in this case seem pretty straightforward, Scientology deserves (at the very least) ridicule and no-one should face censure for doing so.

Thirty Days of Song (day 22)

Song I listen to when I’m sad:

Ok, for once, I’m not going to be awkward, this is a sad song for a sad mood, and it even says so in the title. It is beautiful too. From the late, lamented, Mark Linkous -

The increasingly inaccurately named Thirty Days of Song (day 21)

A song for when I’m happy.

In one episode of Father Ted, some young priest is depressed and suicidal, until they cheer him up by playing him the Theme from Shaft, by Isaac Hayes. All seems well, until he listens to some Radiohead and reverts to misery. Now Shaft does make me happy, especially the bit which goes:

‘They say this cat Shaft is a bad mutha…’

‘Shut your mouth’

‘But I’m talking about Shaft!’

oh, and also the bit where Isaac says “he’s a complicated man, but no-one understands him like his woman” and the backing vocalists go “John Shaft!” as if that was his woman’s name too. Like Evelyn Waugh, who was married to another Evelyn.

But I reject the implication that you can only be happy listening to uptempo stuff. I am even more happy listening to Bill Callahan mournfully intoning stuff like “You moved in, to my hotel. You could have done better, but oh well” and trying to get away with an Uh-uh-uh-urgghhhhhhhh sound in the chorus that sounds like an expiring water buffalo. Brings a grin to my face every time.

In the absence of cats or porn…

http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2010/07/20/recognize-this/

Not sure what category this falls into. I’m claiming productivity.

It’s always the guy who has to dilute the semen…

Cheers, xkcd.

Argentina recognises Gay Marriage

As this image (from the brilliant 538.com site) shows, there are now 250 million people living in places which recognise same sex marriage. Progress is still steady, rather than quick, but at least it’s heading in the right direction, and the trajectory is constant. The only area to take away the right having granted it is California – which explains the spike in 2008.

Argentina’s decision, as a catholic country with an inconsistent record on progressive policies is a very positive development in general, not just for anyone living in Buenos Aires or Rosario wanting to marry their same sex partner.