I was watching Omid Djalili the other day (and what more reliable source could there be) and he mentioned that Iranian carpetmakers will deliberately make an error in their designs, because only Allah is perfect.

I realise that discussing Islamic theology online is fraught with peril, particularly when I don’t know the first thing about it, but that seems a little presumptuous to me. Surely their innate human fallibility should ensure unintentional flaws, rather than them having to rely on deliberate mistakes to disfigure the carpets.

However, I’d be more concerned if this practice was replicated in other sections of the Iranian economy. Perhaps the reason Tehran does not have a flourishing automobile industry may well be down to people suspecting that the brakes might be faulty as a gesture of man’s imperfection.

Imagine if you were in an Iranian aeroplane. You’d probably be delighted to find that your seat adjuster or TV screen were broken, in the hope that you’d located the deliberate mistake. But you couldn’t be entirely certain that it wasn’t just a routine malfunction and that the undercarriage wasn’t deficient.

Perhaps the reason the US is so exercised by Ahmadinejad’s focus on nuclear power is not that they fear it being adapted for military usage, but simply that a meltdown may result from excessive fervency amongst it’s designers.

Dr Pangloss is an updated version of the character in Candide, combined with my friend, Alison. The idea is to have him dealing with several modern jobs that must try the most optimistic of people. I should credit Bry for, at least in part, giving me the idea - though she naturally bears no responsibility for my botching the concept. 

Dr Pangloss is waiting in his office, as yet another troubled young man, Dean Simmons, is ushered sullenly in to meet him.

Convinced that Dean’s hostile manner was simply a manifestation of nerves and awkwardness, Pangloss beamed at him and bade him feel at home. Then he shuffled throughhis papers and found the information relating to this offender. Grievious bodily harm with intent, and possession of an offensive weapon. Apparently he’d threatened some fifteen year old kid with a knife, punched him to the ground and then kicked him repeatedly to the head when he was down there.

“So, Mr Simmonds, can I call you Dean?”

“Whatever.”

“Dean, I see you pleaded not guilty, so I assume that you didn’t do it and are the victim of a terrible miscarriage of justice.”

Dean seemed to briefly consider this, then shook his head decisively.

“Nah, I done it all right, I was just hoping there might be, like, a few morons in the jury I could fool.”

“Ah, OK. Well, it’s posive that you accept your guilt, is that indicative that you feel some remorse for it?”

“No way, given the chance I’d do the little fucker again.”

Pangloss smiled to himself, surely this was just bravado, and the man’s true feelings would surface soon.

“I guess he must have done something pretty bad to provoke you, to incur such hostility?”

“Damn right, he did. The fucker looked at me funny. Had to teach the cunt some respect.”

“By ‘looked at you funny’ you must mean that you were afraid he was going to attack you?”

“Not really, just didn’t like the look of him. He looked a bit foreign.”

“Hmm, but where you drunk, maybe, at the time? Something that would make you more aggressive?”

“Nah, I was a bit pissed off cos I hadn’t had me any smack for a while, but that was it.”

While it was proving more difficult than Pangloss had anticipated to get through the tough outer shell to Dean’s inner goodness, he was not disheartened. He knew that the very act of talking through his actions and motivations would be cathartic for Dean and that it would eventual result in an appropriate level of regret and remorse and his ultimate rehabilitation.

“Ok, let’s move on and look at the incident itself. How many times did you punch the victim.”

“Just once.”

“Good, good. Because you didn’t want to hurt him unnecessarily, presumably.”

“No, cos it only took one punch to floor him. I reckon it was cos the dozy twat wasn’t watching.”

“Oh. Right. So then he was on the ground and that’s when you started kicking him.”

“Yeah.”

“Was this because you were worried he might get back up and attack you?”

“Nah, the cunt was out for the count. I was taking the chance to fuck him up while he couldn’t touch me.”

“Yes, well, hmm. But you did show admirable restraint in not using your knife. Obviously you didn’t want to … ahem … ‘fuck him up’ … too badly.”

“Well, I didn’t want to mess up my knife, like. Bloodstains are, you know, a fuckin’ nightmare to clean up. Course if the bastard had put up a fight, like, I’d have sliced him up like bacon.”

“I see. I’d suggest you don’t tell the judge that! Anyway, that’s enough information about the offence. Let’s look at what alternatives there might be to going to jail. Community based sentence are often very effective at addressing offending behaviour as well as making a positive contribution to society. Are your parents prepared to take you back into a loving family home?”

“Like fuck. They’ve split up.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. But perhaps you could stay with your father, he can be a strong, positive role model for you.”

“No fuckin’ chance mate. We don’t get on.”

“It’s true that it’s sometimes a difficult relationship. Are there problems because he tries to set you boundaries, to give you a proper sense of discipline?”

“No, it’s cos the fucking bastard beat the crap out of me every time he got drunk since I was seven.”

“In that case, what about your mother. I’m sure she can offer you a caring, supportive environment.”

“My mum’s too busy as a prossie to care about me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, and in any case at least she must be earning a steady income through that.”

“I don’t see a fucking penny of it, she spends it all on crack.”

“I see. But at least you can stay in the house, even if she’s not around much.”

“Nah, I torched the bloody house, like. She was pissin’ me off, so I burnt it down.”

“How unfortunate that a moment of rage should have such devastating results, just because the fire brigade couldn’t get there in time.”

“It wasn’t un-fuckin-fortunate mate. It was cos I got my mate to call the station and direct the engine to the other side of town.”

“That showed admirable conncern for the safety of the firefighters, not wanting them to risk injury dealing with your fire.”

Yeah, whatever, anyway when they did arrive me and my gang chucked rocks to make sure the place burned proper, like.”

“You say ‘your gang’, are they your friends then?”

“Well, I don’t like them much, but I need some muscle to make sure no-one else sells drugs in my territory.”

“You mean, you want to keep drug dealers out of the area? That’s very sensible and completely understandable given what’s happened to your mum and your own addiction.”

“Don’t want the competition, do I?”

“I guess not. Ok, so it looks like we can’t fight an alternative place for you to stay other than in jail. But that’s not too bad, you can use the opportunity to get clean of heroin.”

“No fucking way, man, can’t face that. I know there’s plenty of drugs in the nick, thank fuck. Plus loads of my mates are there already so I’ll be fine.”

Dr Pangloss let out a relieved sigh. He’d known all along that things would work out for the best for this lad.

  Stage 1

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Stage 2

Pool 1

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Pool 2

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Welsh Season Plan 2007-2008

Player Stats from the Wales squad for the 2007 Senior Inter Area Tournament in Bristol

Attack Stats  

Index
Shots: shots taken
Assists: Assists
L: Possession lost
Cw: Collects Won
Cl: Collects Lost
G: Goals 

Overall

Vs London

Vs Oxfordshire

vs North West

Vs BSKS

vs West Midlands

Defence Stats

Index

Shots: shots put up
Def: defended shots
Bw: Balls intercepted, possession won
Bl: Balls lost passing out of defence
Cw: Collects Won
Cl: Collects Lost
F: Fouls resulting in free pass or penalty
G: Goals conceded, excluding penalties

Overall

Vs London

Vs Oxfordshire

vs North West

Vs BSKS

vs West Midlands

The statistics on these pages are from the EKL (South West and Wales Korfball League) from when it reformed in 2002 until the present. This post is intended as an index page for all other entries.

League History

Division 1 Goalscorers 2002-07

Division 1 Goalscorers 2006-07

Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Division 2 Goalscorers 2006-07

Miscellaneous

Bristol City Division 1 Goalscorers 2002-07 

Bristol City Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Bristol University Division 1 Goalscorers 2002 -07

Bristol University Division 2 Goalscorers 2004 -07

Cardiff City Division 1 Goalscorers 2002-07

Cardiff City Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Cardiff Dragons Division 1 Goalscorers 2005-07 

Cardiff Dragons Division 2 Goalscorers 2005-07 

Cardiff University Division 1 Goalscorers 2002-07

Cardiff University Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Exeter City Division 1 Goalscorers 2003-07

Exeter City Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Horfield Division 1 Goalscorers 2003-07

Horfield Division 2 Goalscorers 2004-07

Taunton Soul Division 1 Goalscorers 2005-07

Taunton Soul Division 2 Goalscorers 2005-07

EKL Division 2 Goalscorers