Number 1 – Inside the shorts you are sleeping in.
Moreover, you don’t want to then locate it by rolling over on top of it. After a sharp pain in my thigh I wondered if I’d somehow managed to get a piece of glass or something in them but was greatly surprised to pull out a living, quivering wasp – I think it must have been pretty shocked too as it didn’t try and sting my hand.
I hurled it off to one side, but it came back and tried to nestle in my hair. This was pushing things too far and I grabbed the nearest book to hand and tried to crush it (I should note at this point it was no longer in my hair, I may be stupid, but I’m not insane). This took some time, as again and again it crawled away from a vicious blow, and I was determined not to leave it wounded and angry. Eventually it expired (or at least feigned it effectively) whereupon I noticed – and I swear this is a true story – that the book I’d been using was Aristophanes: The Wasps.
In the next installment I shall hunt down a whale, armed only with a copy of Moby Dick.